For weeks now, your child has been coming home from school quiet and withdrawn. They pull away, no longer want to talk about their day, complain of a stomachache on Sunday evenings. Or they mention offhand a classmate who is “always so mean.” As a parent, you can feel it: something is wrong. And you ask yourself: What can I do without making things worse?
Bullying at school is not a fringe problem. Studies show that in Austria, one in five children experiences bullying at some point during their school years. The consequences can be serious, ranging from anxiety disorders and depression to long-lasting struggles with self-worth. This article will help you recognize the signs, respond in the right way, and support your child effectively.
Recognizing Bullying: The Warning Signs
Children rarely bring up bullying on their own. Out of shame, out of fear that it will only get worse, or because they believe it is their own fault. That is why it falls to parents to pay attention. The following signs can point to bullying:
A sudden reluctance to go to school, or a drop in grades, in a child who used to enjoy going
Frequent physical complaints with no clear cause: headaches, stomachaches, nausea, especially on school days
Social withdrawal: the child stops meeting up with friends and no longer wants to go to birthday parties or class activities
Lost or damaged belongings: school supplies, clothing, or money that regularly goes missing
Changes in eating habits, trouble sleeping, or mood swings
The child asks to be driven to school instead of taking their usual route
Unexplained bruises or injuries that the child plays down
None of these signs automatically means bullying. But when several appear together and persist for weeks, it is worth looking into.
Cyberbullying: The Invisible Threat
These days, bullying no longer stops at the school gate. Through WhatsApp groups, Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat, the exclusion can continue around the clock. Humiliating photos get shared, rumors spread, and in group chats the targeted child is systematically shut out or held up to ridicule.
Cyberbullying is especially insidious because there is no safe retreat. A child’s own bedroom becomes the scene of it. Children who are targeted often cannot simply put the phone away, because they are afraid of missing even more or isolating themselves further. At the same time, parents frequently do not see the attacks, because they happen on platforms adults have no access to.
Notice whether your child suddenly seems different after glancing at their phone: sad, angry, or shut down. And create a climate of openness in which your child knows they can come to you with anything, without the phone being taken away on the spot.
Why Children Don’t Talk About It
Many parents feel hurt when they learn that their child suffered bullying for weeks or months without saying a word. But there are understandable reasons for the silence:
Shame: Children are ashamed of being a victim. They are afraid of looking like a weakling or a tattletale, not only in front of the bullies but also in front of their own parents.
Fear of making it worse: Many children believe that if their parents step in, everything will only get worse. “Then they’ll laugh at me even more.”
Self-blame: “I’m just weird” or “I don’t fit in” — bullied children often take on the bullies’ perspective and blame themselves.
Conflicting loyalties: Sometimes the bully is a former friend, and the child still hopes to save the friendship.
How to Talk With Your Child
If you suspect your child is being bullied, choose a calm moment. Not in passing, not with a laptop on your knees. Create a safe space, perhaps on a walk together or in the evening before bed.
Ask open questions: “I’ve noticed something has been on your mind lately. Do you want to tell me about it?” Avoid reproaches (“Why didn’t you tell me right away?”) and quick fixes (“Just stand up to them!”). In that moment, your child needs one thing above all: to feel heard and taken seriously.
Listen without judging. Ask follow-up questions without pushing. And make it clear: This is not your fault, and we will find a way through it together.
Taking Action: What Parents Can Do
Keep a Record
Write down every incident: the date, the time, what happened, who was involved. For cyberbullying, take screenshots and save them. This record is helpful for conversations with the school and, in the worst case, for legal steps.
Talking to the School
Reach out to your child’s class teacher soon. Describe what you have observed matter-of-factly, and ask how the school sees the situation. Avoid accusatory language; you want the teacher to become an ally, not an opponent.
If talking to the teacher has no effect, turn to the school administration. Many schools have bullying-prevention programs or school social workers who can act as mediators.
Building Your Child Up
Alongside action at school, your child needs to feel stronger. That might come from an activity where they get to succeed: a sports club, a musical instrument, a creative group. They need at least one stable friendship outside the bullying situation. And they need the certainty that they are okay as a person, no matter what individual classmates claim.
Professional Help
If your child is already showing clear symptoms, such as persistent anxiety, low mood, withdrawal, or trouble sleeping, you should seek professional help. Child and adolescent therapists can help your child process what they have been through and develop new coping strategies. Counseling for you as parents can also be worthwhile, to help you make sense of the situation and respond in the right way.
The Legal Situation in Austria
In Austrian criminal law, bullying does not exist as an offense in its own right. Individual bullying acts, however, can certainly be criminally relevant: bodily harm, dangerous threats, coercion, defamation, or the sharing of intimate images. For cyberbullying, there is also the Cyberbullying Act (Cybermobbing-Gesetz), which since 2016 has made continued online harassment a punishable offense.
In practice, though, the legal route is rarely the first and rarely the most effective step when it comes to school bullying. Usually, solutions within the school, paired with therapeutic support for the affected child, work better. Consider the legal route if the school will not cooperate or if the attacks reach a level that is criminally relevant.
Prevention: What Parents Can Do Ahead of Time
Not every child gets bullied, and not every experience of teasing turns into systematic bullying. Still, there is plenty parents can do to make their children more resilient:
Practice social skills: Children who have learned to name their feelings and resolve conflicts with words are less prone to bullying dynamics, both as victims and as perpetrators.
Encourage friendships: A stable social network is the best protection. Invite other children over regularly, make shared activities possible, and support your child in nurturing friendships.
A culture of open conversation: Children who can talk about anything at home, including uncomfortable things, ask for help sooner when they need it.
Teach media literacy: Talk with your child about the risks of social media. What do you do if someone sends mean messages? How do you handle peer pressure in a chat? These conversations should start early and happen regularly.
Building Resilience for the Long Term
Children who have been through bullying need more than a quick fix. They need the long-term experience of knowing they are valuable and that they can get through hard times. Resilience does not come from a single sentence or a single conversation, but from the daily experience of belonging, competence, and safety.
Build your child’s confidence by naming their strengths and taking their opinions seriously. Give them age-appropriate responsibility. Let them make their own decisions. And show them through your own behavior how to handle conflict: respectfully, but firmly.
Children who have experienced bullying and worked through it often say they came out of it stronger. Not because bullying is a good experience, it never is, but because in overcoming it they learned they can handle more than they thought. That experience can carry a child for a lifetime.
Bullying leaves its mark. But with the right support, those marks do not have to become permanent scars. Your child needs you as a safe harbor: not as a rescuer who solves everything alone, but as an ally who navigates the hard times right alongside them.
